Lily
by takeyourside
Summary: 9x08 inspired oneshot. Out of tragedy, happiness can grow.


**Now that was an unexpected ending to an episode *gulps*. Those who follow me on twitter (woahrafferty) know my feelings about it, however, it sparked my creativity and I felt so inspired after! I hope you like this, it makes a change to the angst of writing Upside Down (currently working on chapter 12 - 2,500 words in). Feedback is always treasured!**

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Lily

Remembering that day, that moment, wasn't easy. An evening that should've been celebratory turning into one of tears and pain.

She'd phoned the woman to ask about her plans to stay with them. The idea had floated around that she would come to New York soon but no time arranged, so Donna took it upon herself to phone Lily and ask, taking the opportunity to catch up.

They got on better than Donna could've imagined, the conversation flowing with such ease that they might as well have known each other all those years. Telling stories about Harvey and gossiping about everyone and everything.

So, when Bobby picked up the phone and said he'd just tried to call Harvey, then broke the news, it hit her harder than she would've ever expected. It was always going to hurt, knowing that Harvey had lost someone, but it felt like so much more. This was a woman whom she wanted to be involved in their life, watch them reach milestones and spend time with her at Thanksgiving and Christmas.

An uneasiness pooled in the pit of her stomach, waiting for his return, not knowing what to do. She moved from the couch to the counter, pouring herself a drink, to the window. She was restless but lifeless at the same time, a perplexing sensation that made the lump in her throat all the more difficult to swallow.

Telling him. Breaking that news to him and bursting his bubble, watching his face begin to crumble. To hug him made it easier, not looking at his breaking façade, gripping onto him as he gripped back even tighter.

They stood there for a while, his tears falling onto her shoulder, feeling his shaking body tremor in her touch. When they parted, she cupped his face, foreheads touching. _She was there, he was okay._ Unspoken words that both knew and felt.

The week-long wait for the funeral was almost unbearable. Harvey was shattered, which was one of the most painful things Donna had ever experienced. He spent hours sat in front of the painting with whiskey in hand, sometimes accompanied by his father's records. She would return home from work to find him as upset as when she left. He tried to hide it closer to the funeral but she saw straight through it, knowing his boxing sessions were all the more intense than before.

The day before had come as a shock to Donna, realising she'd lost track of the days, finding herself sitting anxiously at her desk as Katrina told her it was the 18th, not the 8th of the month. Momentary surprise at her inability to keep on top of things but forgiving herself when she thought about the busyness they'd faced and then the loss.

She found herself in a pharmacy on her lunch break, overwhelmed by the selection, puzzled by why there were so many. She grabbed a random box that came with two inside, hurrying to the till. She was embarrassed but wasn't sure why, scurrying out of the shop and shoving her purchase into her handbag.

She told herself she'd wait, pee on a stick in the comfort of her own bathroom. Well, Harvey's – it was more theirs than his now. Yet, she couldn't wait. Donna was sat impatiently tapping her pen against the desk and clicking the colours down.

She relented, grabbing her purse and heading for the restroom, anticipation rising within.

The rest of the day dragged on, uncertainty clouding her judgement and leading to an anxiety. Not that she wasn't happy, she was – at least she thought she was, the whole process more overwhelming than she'd expected – but the timing wasn't great. Faced with the dilemma of when to tell Harvey. She didn't want to take away from his grieving process, even though the news was good, knowing he needed this funeral and he needed it to go smoothly, follow the plan and structure he expected.

They travelled to Boston that evening, reaching Lily and Bobby's home for the first time since she'd passed. It hit him hard. She knew it would. He was in so much pain, being in his mother's home when she wasn't there with him.

She wanted to ease his pain, make it easier, but he needed to let it out. He needed to feel without distraction.

The funeral and the wake were difficult. Driving back home that night was a quiet journey, comforting in a way, finding peace in one another's presence. She'd convinced herself wait until the next day to tell him but the longer the car journey went on, the more eager and impatient she got.

She followed him inside their apartment, baited breath as she watched him drop their small luggage beside the kitchen counter before beginning to walk in the direction of the bedroom.

"Harvey," she said and he paused, turning to face her, intrigued. "I need to tell you something," she continued before taking a long slow breath. Harvey's ears pricking up like a dog.

"What is it?" He asked immediately, Donna unable to respond right away as she gathered the words in her brain, saying it out loud making it more real. "Donna, what's wrong? What's happened?" An anxiety rising in his voice, fear growing, panic striking his eyes as his bottom lip dropped.

"Nothing," Donna replied instantaneously. A look of relief washed over his face, stepping towards her as she twiddled her fingers in front of her torso, a small smile creeping onto her face. "Nothing's wrong," she confirmed with a shake of her head and her boyfriend looked at her in confusion as she wet her lips.

"I'm pregnant." The words rolled off her tongue, taking a deep breath afterwards, scanning Harvey's face. He was shocked, wide eyes accompanying his gaping mouth as he felt the corners of his mouth begin to tug upwards.

"I wanted to tell you yesterday when I found out but the timing just seemed so wrong. I was going to wait until tomorrow, new day, new chapter, but I couldn't." She rambled out quickly, losing control of her words as they tumbled out. Harvey remained shocked, staring at her, a silence settling between them that she was quick to break.

"Say something," she pleaded quietly, momentary concern for his reaction taking over.

It was one of her fondest memories, telling him. The smile that grew, the biggest Cheshire Cat grin she'd seen him display to her in all 14 years of working together, eyes beginning to water out of sheer joy. To see him go from his saddened state to this, that was one of the best things she'd ever witnessed.

"I'm going to be a dad," he breathed out, still grinning, met by her eager nod and own stupendous smile.

He closed the gap between them in an instant, pacing towards her in that all too familiar way, hands cupping her cheeks as their lips fused together. He could feel her smiling into it which made him even happier, fingers pushing her hair backwards, tips running through the silky strands.

When their lips drifted apart, he rested his forehead on hers, still cupping her face as she had done a week before. Devastation replaced by elation, a thousand miles from what he thought he'd be feeling, his heart bursting.

Donna remembered the days, hours, moments, when Harvey would think about his parents and the _'what if'_s. Conversations about how his father would've loved to meet their growing little one, he would've taught them all about music and baseball, taking them to games and playing them his records. He talked about how his mother would've doted on Donna for the entire pregnancy then spent weekends painting with their child, creating masterpieces to hang around their home.

The day they found out they were having a girl was the day Donna knew what they'd name her. At the time, they'd agreed to draw up a list of names, Harvey suggesting Lily for a middle name though admitting he couldn't decide. Donna smiled, knowing his hesitated tone was so he didn't sound too pushy, not wanting to railroad her into choosing it.

She got online immediately, placing an order for a personalised blanket. An ivory, cashmere blanket with small, pale pink dots scattered over it. In one corner, a cursive _'Lily'_ was embroidered in a matching pink cotton. It arrived at her office the next afternoon, Donna becoming excited to show Harvey, eagerly wishing the day away.

She pulled it out of the bag while they were stood at the counter about to order dinner, running her hand across the soft fabric, telling him he should feel the item too. She passed it to him with baited breath, watching as the embroidery caught his eye, his head shooting up to catch a glimpse of her smile.

He was speechless, overwhelmed by emotions by the gesture, swallowing the lump in his throat as he smiled back.

"I knew you were juggling between using it for her first or middle name so I thought I'd make the decision for us," she told him. He nodded with tearful eyes, hand resting on her prominent bump.

"Lily," he whispered. That was another of Donna's favourite moments throughout their journey: the look on his face before pulling her into a tight hug, encompassing her and their daughter in his embrace.

Standing there, watching from the doorway as he spoke softly to their one-month-old, cradling her in his arms as she slept. He always struggled to actually put her down, loving the way she'd settle against him, her heart shaped lips slightly ajar as she slept.

She had Donna's hair colour, a fine layer atop her head, and she wouldn't settle without the embroidered blanket draped across her he'd let slip a few tears over a few months before. Her eyes got greener with every day that passed, Harvey feeling more and more like he was gazing into the eyes of his mother, turning his loss into bittersweet moment whenever he would see his reminder staring back at him.

"You are so loved," he whispered to the sleeping child, Donna watching on and feeling her heart melt. "You are so, so loved, Lily Alessia," brushing a finger gently across her porcelain cheek. Her middle name in honour of Donna's maternal grandfather Alessio, the couple falling in love with the name combination as soon as she suggested it.

"You have your grandmother's eyes," he said, fingers delicately grazing her hair. "She would have loved you more than life itself. She really would've."

This might just be one of Donna's new favourite memories, watching her Harvey cradle their Lily, fulfilling the role he was always supposed to, finally where they were supposed to be. Complete.


End file.
